Three Surprising Facts About Living in Another Culture

I recently read the book called The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera (<= affiliate link). It was an amazing read that resonated with me on so many levels: from the historical perspective to the relationships between two men and two women to the  language and to the role of  animals. While I am not going to delve into the depths of the the author’s musings in the story, although it is a truly intellectually captivating piece, I chose this one quote to share.  It particularly struck a chord with me because I live in a country, where I speak a language other than my native tongue,  and I work with students, who are learning English as their second language.

Here is the quote:

Being in a foreign country means walking a tightrope high above the ground without the net afforded a person by the country where he has his family, colleagues, and friends, and where he can easily say what he has to say in a language he has known since childhood. – Milan Kundera 

When I moved to the United States, I spoke English very well.  It had been my major in college and therefore, I did not expect to have many difficulties. But leaving a familiar linguistic environment and finding myself in a new one, presented some interestingly unexpected findings.

Say what?

For example, you may speak the foreign language, but your ears and  body are not used to it. Therefore, the tempo and vocabulary usage of a native speaker completely catches you off-guard. I distinctly remember, when I went to the store and a checkout clerk asked me something that I did not understand. After he repeated himself a couple of times I answered “Yes” to something that I still quite didn’t catch:)  

Silly idioms

Some sayings are ingrained in us so much that we have a hard time finding an equivalent for them in another language to express exactly how we feel. And then you try to translate them… Not a good idea because you are risking falling off that tightrope! 🙂 Say, you are a busy person. With a job, kids, activities, plans, projects. And then you decide to take on one more thing. In Lithuania, we would say something like (translation:): “There was an old lady. She did not have any problems so she decided to take on… (whatever your project is)”. It nails the situation and all you really have to say when somebody asks about your busy life is “There was an old lady, who had no problems”. Try saying that to someone in the States. They would probably look at you like you have two heads or something… (I know, I’ve been there:)

Two calendars

Have you ever heard of the concept of having two calendars inside you? Let me explain.

When you live in your country and speak your language and culture, you follow certain traditions and certain celebrations and events that occur at particular times of year. For example, in America, we associate fall with beautiful foliage, Halloween, Thanksgiving, pumpkins and apples. But in Lithuania, traditionally, although an association with apples and beautiful foliage does exist,  the Day of All Saints and Souls rather than Halloween is the thing people think of when you mention end of October or November 1st. There is no Thanksgiving, either.

When you move to another country, in addition to physically learning the logistics around the town you have settled in, the majority language and how things work in general, you also are out of your depth in terms of time and space. The first year is especially difficult because you do not have a frame of reference. Some of the things I missed the most were the craft fair that happened in Vilnius every March and which gave a special aura to the city; the folk song and dance festival at the end of May; and the all Saints’ Day, during which people visit the grave sites of their family members and loved ones and light candles. I did not mention Christmas on purpose on because it is a totally different topic, which requires a separate blog post:)

It is your inner calendar that is slowly adjusting within the first year. At first, a lot of things make no sense. The age and culture gap between the parents and children might also start building/expanding. The parents often want to continue with what they know and the children are more receptive to the new culture and eventually may start questioning their heritage calendar. So how much of the new one you will accept is totally up to you.

What do you think? I’d love to hear from you:

Have you had any similar experiences to the ones described here? How did you cope?

What are some of the things you would add to this list?

Have you ever read Milan Kundera’s The Unbearable Lightness of Being? If so, what is your opinion about it?